I felt Dad when I thought it was a good time to start a family. It came like that, without warning. A sudden, overwhelming. Wanting a child is already, somewhere, be a dad.
And then there's the first big shock. Two small blue bars appear in the window of a test set on the corner of a table for two minutes. The test is positive. It brings great joy, coupled with a huge slap. Now I can not go back. The process has started, any account that is more down. I'm daddy daddy ... I am ... I can not believe it. From that moment, I'm Dad.
More than eight months to prepare, six, five ... I'm the father of a boy. First electronic images of my son, stolen during an ultrasound. A face, hands, feet. It is there, right there, so near and yet so far. I feel ashamed of my eyes watching this black and white monitor in the examination room. I'm speechless. I felt father to tears of joy. I already fear for him, afraid that a small grain of sand does not come to ruin.
More than a month wait. Flow rate in the evenings kicking baby, a hiccup, a few contractions. I approach this swollen belly, stretched. I ask one ear ... nothing. I talk to him. Maybe he hears me? I'm a daddy, that's undeniable.
must go, it's time. The pain is too intense. We are afraid now. I'm scared, I hide. I have to reassure her. I repeated this point in my head hundreds of times. We must go. What will it happen now? It must come out, it will hurt, there will be blood. Everything must go it can not be otherwise. I fear for my wife, I'm afraid for my baby. I fear for my baby ... I am a dad.
ago almost twelve hours we're here. Mother Nature is in control, tyrannical. A working room, then another one where my wife will give life. Machinery, piping, alarms, green smocks. Waiting ... waiting Curious. In a moment we'll be three. Three of us.
Here and there other birth mothers. We hear it all! Screams, groans, loud voices. A crying baby, then another. In these places, life is his work. Each of these babies first cry of foreigners missing to make me cry ... I prances. I'll be a dad, I'll be a dad ... oh my ... What is happening to me?
Here and there other birth mothers. We hear it all! Screams, groans, loud voices. A crying baby, then another. In these places, life is his work. Each of these babies first cry of foreigners missing to make me cry ... I prances. I'll be a dad, I'll be a dad ... oh my ... What is happening to me?
is ours. Women in green smocks busy. This small and must leave it eradicates the belly of my wife. It's long, it's violent, it does not say it enough. My wife is fighting, is a smile and returned to combat. She wins.
It's just there. The top of his head, then his whole head, shoulder .... my son is there, between two worlds, and that the expulsion ..... I'm Dad, look! Look! It is here! He looks! He .... My eyes are full of water and runny nose. I stifle a sob as I can. I'm a daddy ..... and already I am pleased. "Look sir, as your beautiful little boy."
Watch ... I do it, I can not take off my eyes of that little. I turn my head to Mom, we exchange a glance, a smile. The green coats are still working, it's not quite finished for Mom. The delivery room is a battlefield, everything is upside down. There is blood, but I do not see much, if not my family, I can say it now, my family. I'm Dad.
I'm a daddy ...? Not quite. Something is missing. It's a secret, a secret dad. A discovery that no book speaks. It will be something going on ... it's not over, and it has not yet begun. It will be something going on ... and at this moment, I am father.
The silence in the delivery room. The gowns are green parts, the machines are down. We are three. The three of us, alone at last, we whisper, as stunned by what just happened. Tender words ... kisses. We contemplate. It will happen ... something
My son is stunned as we are, it seems stunned. Eyes wide open, quiet, he is watching us. Who says baby can not see anything? We fixed her eyes, stares at us. Eye to eye. It will happen ... something
I bend gently toward the little man. Close enough ... He watches me. Now his eyes and mine are connected. Time stops.
Through our eyes, we talk, it's hard to describe. I know he knows. He knows I am a part of him and a part of me. I feel he knows. It just happened something ... He just told me "I know you're my father, I'm staring into his eyes for you serve it." Magic moment, seize the fly. It's a secret, a secret dad ...
It Something happened ... I'm your daddy, now.
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